A delicate balance

As any parent will tell you, someone forgot to give me the manual for this job. Every day and situation is just as new to my daughter as it is for me, having to deal with it from a completely different perspective. This is compounded now that she lives with me and that I'm her only source of family in Toronto. The first few months have been a journey of discovery for the both of us, learning about each others' quirks and habits on a daily basis. Adapting to having each other around on a regular basis and for the most part it's just the two of us. But how do we balance our time together and apart?

It's a delicate balance and getting the balance right has been my biggest challenge. Since I became single at the same time as having my daughter move in, it's been a concern of mine that I'm spending enough time with her at the same time as doing what single guys do, date. I'm constantly asking her if it's okay that I go out this night or that night and if I'm spending enough time at home with her. She assures me that she is fine and that I worry too much about how other people view my actions. Which is true. I just want to make sure she is happy and that I'm not doing anything to detract from her happiness like not spending enough time with her.

In saying this, my happiness also concerns her and I know she only wants me to enjoy my life without feeling like she is a burden. Of course I could never feel that way about her, unconditional love. But what I'm worried about is that she may feel the only way I'm happy is when I have a partner. She has only ever seen me with a partner so me being single is strange to her. I spoke openly about this with her and assured her that I'm happy 'as is' without any 'add ons'. That would only make it more of a juggling act in terms of who gets my attention.

One chapter in the 'would be' manual of parenting would focus on subtle and not so subtle cues you get from your child that you are needed. That's one thing I realized recently, when she does want me around she sends out signals that can be as small as coming over and putting her arm around me or as blatant as asking me to play video games. Watching for these signs is a skill that most fathers take for granted during the teen years and forget to keep finely honed. It's a delicate balance between having time for myself, being readily available to her and suffocating her. Sadly there is no formula for it, we just have to keep communicating our needs and find the balance day by day.