I have always had a more innocent outlook on life and people and the world, believing that everyone has the best intentions and in turn would be doing right by those around them. Wrongo! Sometimes I feel so gullible. Even after being conned I end up giving people a second chance, hoping that they are going to surprise me next time. I recently learned that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. Am I insane?
Please don't answer that. What I can tell you is that this has been going on for some time. Going right back to childhood when I had friends that basically used me for what I could offer them, toys, an alibi, a ride or even a place to crash. All the while promising to be my friend until it was time for me to ask for something in return, only be be turned down. Did I misinterpret the terms of our friendship? Are my expectations not in line with theirs? Fine, but why do I expect them to change their tune the next time?! Hoping for maturity and growth. Not everyone learns this and probably not from getting their own way.
My behaviour would also exhibit the signs of being a people pleaser which I acknowledge I am and also know where I got it from. For many years I have watched, and still do, my mother jump through hoops to please her family and friends. She will do anything for you and feel guilty when she can't. I don't want to end up like that in 20 years, a bundle of nerves when someone shows their true colours of being a user after putting myself out there to help them. Feeling like a failure.
This is why I have adopted the old adage: fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. No longer will obvious eff-ups get a second chance when there are so many other people in this world who would actually benefit from my assistance and actually appreciate it. Instead of thinking they just discovered the guy they can rely on for freebies. Watch yourself because I'm now watching out for you.
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